To Hell With Olympic Spirit

*15 days to Finals! Am so glad it's finally coming...

**It's 7.14 am now, almost an hour since i woke up. No i am no early bird, i just could not go back to sleep. For the past 2 weeks that i had not been waking up, i was woken up anyway, either by Rags knocking on the door to check if Nesa was awake, or by Nesa leaving his alarm on while showering. 

The regular disturbance did not come today, but i woke up anyway, unconsciously bracing for the faint-but-still-too-loud knock or the frenzied alarm. I always suspect there is a build-in precision clock somewhere in the human brains. 

Do you know it's the second last day of Olympic Games already? I didn't, and was quite taken aback by my ignorance when i sought out the schedule. 

By the way, what's the spirit of the Olympic? (I always have some misgivings towards this)

I always wonder why virtually everyone praises the spirit of the Olympic, in every speeches that is remotely related to Olympic Games. I vaguely remember i learnt something about it when i was in primary or secondary school, but whatever that was taught obviously did not make too much of an impact since i could not recall it well. 

So i did some googling and here are what i have found. 

By blending sport with culture and education, Olympism promotes a way of life based on:

• The balanced development of the body, will and mind
• The joy found in effort
• The educational value of being a good role model
• Respect for universal ethics including tolerance, generosity, unity, friendship, non-discrimination and respect for others.

(source: Olympism - What is it?)

But i beg to differ.

Olympic Games do not celebrate the balanced development of the body, will and mind. Tell me which of the athletes have a balanced development of all those? All the athletes who qualify for Olympic Games probably have lived all their lives training for the sports, and would have sacrificed the life that we commoners enjoy. 

What they have instead, is actually overly developed body, overly toughened will, and overly simple mind. 

*Gasps*

If life revolves entirely around winning game (mind you one cannot reach the Olympic Games if he/she does not breathe, eat, and sh*t thinking about that particular sports), i would have severe reservation on how developed, or rather balance, that mind can be. 

Now let's talk about the joy found in effort. 

Well, if u plant a mango seed and you savour the fruits you reap, yeah that is the joy found in effort. But in Olympic Games? Come on... For every one fellow who weeps in joy for winning the coveted gold medal, there are hundreds, if not thousands who languish in misery for effort that never paid off. It's not as bad for someone who obviously sucks in the sports, he/she at least would have gotten the cue not to try too hard and should instead work on other vocations, and make more babies to torture them with his/her unfulfilled dream. Imagine those fellas who have talent, and are groomed into machines sportsmen with a realistic chance to make it to the top, BUT NEVER MAKE IT. 

Imagine a life of frustration, disappointment, and anguish. 

And chances are these people have deviated so far from the route that social norm dictates that everyone else take, most notably the lack of proper schooling. (Think general, don't get too engrossed in the few who make it to the top in both education, and sports. Those are outliers.)

Are you guilty of playing up the hype of the sports, cheering them on, and indirectly cause these people to forgo a normal life? 

Yes, they probably have an extraordinary life. As long as it lasts. Which is rather short actually. We are looking at the youngest cohort of retirees in every country. Wondering what to do with the rest of their lives, outside the limelight. 

Thank you, my supporter. My ass.

Now, the education value of being a good role model. 

Who? 

I wonder if it's just me who is having some difficulty trying to associate Olympic Games and the role model thingy. 

There was this celebrated loser who was trailing miles behind everyone else in the marathon, but persisted in making to the line anyway. Good role model eh? But sometimes in life, in your finite life, it's ok to call it quits before you try too hard for too long for too little reasons. Do they teach you that in Olympic? No. They cheer you on for the narrow moral triumph, and neglect the importance of thinking for yourself. 

Would i persist to the line if it was me? Yes i would, but that's sports. It has absolutely no bearing on day-to-day life. If you forget to tell that disclaimer to kids, who all grow up in a poisonous environment that discourages too much thinking/questioning (think religion, and Malaysia, or Singapore in that matter), you will end up with stubborn fools who soldier on despite all obvious contraindications. 

I am sure my mum would have killed me if i were him. (Source: The Star)

That damned word is faith. (And faith by default does not tolerate intellectual probing, the less brain you use the better it is, since you only need to praise... Oh that reminds me of the small nifty gadget that mum switches on during auspicious days, that chants Buddhist prayers non stop. In spite of a brain, that gadget must be going to the heavens! Rejoice!)

Respect for universal ethics including yadda yadda yadda.... 

I say...

no tolerance because if you are tolerant there is no need to see if you are 0.01 second faster than someone else in swimming, and do that once every 4 years for that matter. 

no generosity because conferring recognition to only the top 3, while disappointing thousands of aspiring gold medallist who worked their behind off, is in no way being generous. If that does not convince you, see how many countries that have poured in millions in nurturing sports, and sadism*, but produced absolutely no medal. Hey Malaysia, you don't snigger. You are not much better off. 

*I say sadism too, because these sportsmen work so hard to be in the top 3, but if you make it easier to get a medal, like giving a 4th or 5th iron or titanium medal, i tell you for sure they will be all up in arms protesting. It's only meaningful to them because if they win, it's at the expense of everyone else losing. No win-win situation. Oh whip me hard... 

No unity because you don't see sprinters holding hand and run to the line together. They try hard to go ahead of the others. The only unity i see, is a group of people who otherwise have no business of gathering in one place in so huge a number, united in sweating, breathing in humanly odours, and screaming their lungs off. Such a display of unity must have done humanity many good...

No friendship... Well with headlines like this (Read: Beijing Provides 100,000 Condoms for the Athletes), I guess there must be some new amorous friendships abound in Beijing.

No non-discrimination. Because if you can't help seeing poorer countries with less resources doing really badly in the medal tally! You don't have to exclude to discriminate. You can include, and still discriminate. And the whole point of gold medal is to discriminate the best from the rest! What non-discrimination bullshit. 

And absolutely no respect for others. You see how the photographers never take photos of the losers? Hey those poor chaps flew thousands of miles to that great polluted city too ok?

Exhale...

Well i must admit that in spite of all the badmouthing that i do on Olympic Games, i cannot make a clear-cut case that this huge waste of money totally lacks merit. But we must take a pinch of salt and think for ourselves, what is the cost for every little grain of national pride we feel, and does it mean as much as the media trumpets it to be. 

And before you get bored of my tirades, do you know what the Olympic Rings mean? 

(Source: The Olympic Rings)

Deep indeed. Heh. 

Clean/Neat Freak That I Am

I have been memorizing the location of visible specks of dirt on the floor at home for some time. Not by choice though, the dirts just leave imprints in my mind naturally. 

Everyday i have been visually confirming their existence everytime i move around the house. They are essentially invisible, however my cursed eyes pick them up readily, and they do irritate me. 

But i was training myself to get used to them. I have to. 

Now that i am staying with my friends in an apartment, we have to calibrate our expectations. I can't go about cleaning the house everyday, or demand them to do that all the time. 

Come to think about it, it must really be a pain to stay with a freak like me.

I have never thought of myself being any different from everyone else all my life, till i came to university and lived in a dorm, then i started getting 'Keep Clean' door tag and getting called OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder, think the woman who frantically and repeatedly wiping an already clean table in some movie. For some reason people here think of me that way)

Anyway after staring at the specks of dust and trying to get used to living with them harmoniously for some time, i gave up. 

I swept the whole house again today. Really messed up i am. 

But there' still hope. 

This still appeals to me. Hehe. 

Anwar's Sodomy: The Inherent Unsatisfactoriness of Religions

* Anwar is accused of sodomy yet again. A religious crime punishable by law, and exploited in politics (probably). This entry is my response to the inherent unsatisfactory state of religions. 

** Full text of Malaysiakini article on Anwar's sodomy at the end of the entry. 

*** Even if you are just mildly religious, you may want to think twice before reading on. You may get really angry with me at the end of the article. 

I was only 14 in 1997, when i first heard of the words sodomy and liwat (in Malay) from news report on Anwar's alleged sodomy and political fallout. 

I had no idea what the heck it was about when everyone in school suddenly started teasing everyone else about getting sodomized (I was from a boy's school then that was full of adolescent boys heh). I found out the meaning soon enough, but was puzzled as to why would anyone want to do that. 

I suppose it was for the lack of a receptive sexual organ in the males, but if that takes place between two consenting adult males, why would it be an offense to anyone else? 

Then i learned that it was forbidden in Islam. That was the first instance i had a taste of how religion could actually dictate how people live. 

But who came out with the rules? Some says God. 

I think otherwise. It could very well be a misguided lunatic who thought he heard from God.  

These days we call it auditory hallucination. 

Perhaps we are placing too much faith in holy books across all religions whose origins could no longer be traced. Perhaps we are holding too dear those teachings that made little sense, and the original intention when those teachings were preached was anyone's guess now. We have commandments, but we have little insight into the preceding events that led to its being. 

Instead we try too hard to explain those absurdities. 

We resort to more accomplished beings in our respective religions for explanations, and we listen with full satisfaction of their understanding of the teachings. While forgetting you and me can as easily come up with those explanations ourselves. 

Human has inherent abilities to make perfect sense of happenings that had already taken place. You can explain anything, provided it HAS already happened. Anything at all. That's how columnist makes a living. 

That explains why religions are so lacking in prophecy, while full of retrospective wisdom. Simply because it's a human invention.

No ordinary human can foretell future, but everyone has his/her 2 cents on why something happened. Normal human beings use their logic to interpret the situations. Those whose religiosity surpasses one's own logic proudly utilize their understanding of the religion, which unfortunately is often very narrow. 

God's wrath. Bad karma. 

(Think of those RELIGIOUS comments on why New Orleans was flooded, why China was struck with an earthquake, why Tsunami bleached coastal countries)

*You may claim that religious groups are the first to offer help, i agree, but they are often the first to come out with stupid comments as well. 

They often blame it on something so abstract and intangible, that you hardly can argue with since there is so little substance to poke at. The religious fervor makes up for its lack in logic. 

The same fervor that makes you unwilling to argue with an angry old lady stubborn old hag whose demands aren't met. 

Powerful emotions. 

Powerful emotions that led us into wars. Think of Iraq. Think of your recent outburst with anyone. 

Those powerful emotions that cloud our consciousness and make us do stupid mistakes. 

Now think of when powerful emotions has done you any good the last time. 

Think harder. 

That's why we should never make any decisions when we are overwhelmed by emotions. They hardly have ever done us any good. 

Now back to religion. You can extol its merit for all you want, but for all the good deeds that a religious person can do, any nonbeliever is capable of doing them too. When they do it, they do it absolutely without religious pretense, without hoping for a divine reward. 

Yes atheists are capable of crimes too, but atheists are unable to band together to commit organised crime. Think of the religious conflicts, the religious persecution of nonbelievers, the Crusade, terrorism, etc.

Only in the name of religion can normal conscientious human beings commit the most heinous crimes, without remorse. Well, country and ethnicity can to a certain extent achieve that too. 

So what are their similarities? 

They are all artificial, all human inventions. They all tend to make us feel special, feel superior above others. Different from others, yet uncomfortably so. 

They all substitute individual reasoning skills with a common group-think. They all turn us into mindless zombies serving the wish of the persons who have learnt to manipulate us, doing their biddings while feeling all righteous. 

Are you a religious pawn waiting to be mobilized? 

Don't follow blindly what anyone tells you. Even if they are your religious superior, for they will falter as easily as any one of us. The only difference is that they are darn good at projecting an image of infallibility. 

Use your logic to interpret why you are doing what you have been doing. Is that because everybody has been doing it too? Are you a subject of group-think? 

The world will be a much better place if all of us who observes a religion questions its rationale, and cease following blindly. 

At least Malaysia will be a better country. 

---

Aide alleges sodomy: Report lodged

Jun 28, 08 11:03pm

A police report has been lodged against PKR  de facto leader Anwar Ibrahim for allegedly sodomosing one of his aides - the second time that such an accusation had been made in over 10 years. The report was lodged by the 23-year-old alleged victim at the Jalan Travers police station at 6pm. KL police chief Muhammad Sabtu Osman confirmed that the report had been made. The man has been sent to Hospital Kuala Lumpur for a medical examination. "Yes, we have received a police report from an aide of Anwar Ibrahim that he was sodomised. But no, we will not arrest Anwar at the moment," added deputy federal police chief Ismail Omar. "We will investigate this report first. We will look into it and carry out the necessary steps before issuing any warrant of arrest," he was quoted by AFP.  It is learnt that Anwar met with a number of party leaders at an emergency meeting late tonight. At 11.15pm, PKR sent out an SMS message stating that the police had detained Anwar's special aide Saiful Bahari this afternoon and forced him to lodge a police report about being sodomised by his boss. It added that the police are expected to arrest Anwar soon. Meanwhile, Anwar is expected to comment on this latest crisis at a pre-arranged press conference tomorrow. The press conference is scheduled to be held after a meeting between Anwar and all PKR members of parliament and state assemblypersons. Anwar expecting the worst Party sources said that Anwar was chairing a party supreme council meeting at a hotel in Shah Alam when he received an SMS at about 9pm on Saturday night about the police report lodged against him. He apparently then told the party leaders that his aide Saiful had been missing for two days. "He then received another SMS at about 9.30pm and his face changed dramatically after reading that SMS," a party insider toldMalaysiakini. "He did not reveal details of the SMS but merely said that the situation was very serious," added the insider. Anwar is said to have left the supreme council meeting to meet his lawyers until about 11pm. The council however continued their meeting without Anwar. Party leaders are saying that they have to be prepared for any eventuality. DAP veteran Lim Kit Siang wrote in his blog that he had spoken to Anwar over the phone and that the PKR leader was expecting the worst. Press statement at 1.25am Anwar issued a press statement at about 1.25am, saying that the report lodged against him was a "complete fabrication". The following is his statement in full: "The police report lodged against me earlier today is a complete fabrication. I believe we are witnessing a repeat of the methods used against me in 1998 when false allegations were made under duress. This is clearly a desperate attempt by the Barisan Nasional regime to arrest the movement of the Malaysian people towards freedom, democracy and justice.    "The report has been organised by interested parties to attack me in retaliation for evidence I have recently obtained implicating IGP (inspector-general of police) Musa Hassan and the AG (attorney-general) Gani Patail in misconduct including fabrication of evidence in the cases launched against me in 1998-1999. This vile attack will not prevent me from releasing this dossier to the public.   "I urge the Malaysian people to stand against the repressive forces that will be unleashed by the government in the coming days and weeks. We expect the media, the judiciary and the police force to all come under the direct and unchecked control of the executive.    "My fellow Malaysians - we took a bold step forward on March 8 towards a new dawn for freedom and justice for all of our citizens. This people's movement for change must go on with all of our strength and conviction." Accused of sodomy in 1997 Meanwhile, at about 1am about 400 people had gathered outside the hotel in Shah Alam to ensure that nothing happened to Anwar. The party leaders and Anwar's lawyer SN Nair also held a press conference at the Shah Alam hotel at about 1.30am where they distributed Anwar's statement. Anwar, a former deputy prime minister and finance minister of Malaysia, was sacked from the government in 1997 for allegedly being involved in sodomy and abuse of power. In 1999, he was sentenced in a highly controversial trial to six years in prison for corruption, and in 2000, to another nine years for alleged homosexual acts. However in 2004, the Federal Court - the country's highest court - reversed the second conviction and he was released. Anwar has always maintained that the charges were a government hatched political conspiracy against him, a move denied by the government.

Life Is Fragile

(taken from her blog)

This is heart wrenching. 

We live our lives as if tomorrow is nothing short of a certainty. 

We scoff at people who teaches us to treasure every moment and live it to the fullest. 

We laugh at the teaching of impermanence of everything. 

We wait, and we say another day. A better time. 

Some people's tomorrow never come.

And we usually are ignorant about it. 

Remember the young trainee pilot, Clifton Lam, who collapsed and died in Brunei while undergoing jungle training?

Read the blog entry dated 18th June of his girlfriend, and mourn for the loss of a life unrealised. 

Excerpt:

It was only awhile ago we last talked,
it was merely 11 days ago i last heard him on the phone,
his comforting words, assurance that he'll be back very soon,
we talked for awhile, us saying how much we missed
each others presence, hugs and kisses,
him sharing his days there, him telling me his going into the jungle,
him saying he'll be not be contactable for the next 4 days,
him telling me not to be worried, not to miss him, he'll do the missing . .

The Last Night

* Be warned. Possibly the most boring and jumbled up post. Blogging from my skeletal new room, using internet connection that is shared from my mobile at 260 kbps. 

** Just don't read. Damn boring. 

I really miss the view outside my window in KE. Now i get lots and lots of HDB instead of trees. 

--- A post i typed 2 nights ago but never got time to finish it up ---

Door tag made by the Block Committee. Good effort, but under-utilised by boring people like me. 

Have been feeling rather depressed for the past few days. It's 3.23 am now and i still can't sleep. 

As evidenced by a week's worth of dust on my speakers.

I have even neglected my routine weekly 'spring' cleaning. That's highly unusual, as all my close friends would gladly bitch about it tell you about my obsessive trait to clean (we call it OCD for obsessive compulsive disorder).

The level 8 that can only be accessed by staircase. No lift. 

I feel sad leaving this place. 

I have stayed in this room for the past 4 years. So many things have happened in the span of 4 years. (I stayed in Prince George's Park in my first year. Joined KE as a new senior)

Even gone bald once! Thanks to everyone who made Flag Day a big success 3 years ago. (Yes i was sunburnt too, from standing under the hot sun for too long on Rag Day)

*I pledged to shave bald if the hall residents under my leadership would manage to raise SGD 10000 on Flag Day. In the end 5 more guys joined me voluntarily to shave our heads bald. Haha. 

Previously KE Hall was raising just a few thousands every year, but our new Hall Master tasked me to do better than that. Well i am proud to say that we raised a tidy SGD 28000! And we have never looked back since, and the amount we raised kept going up and up. I hear this year they are trying to surpass SGD 90000!

The room silently witnessed my growth (character and abdominal girth, unfortunately).

My shoe boxes, one of it houses a pair of severely under-utilised running shoes. The badminton shoes too. 

It is also a witness to my many mistakes and unaccomplished ideals. 

As i leave the room, i shall bear in mind my blunders and shall never repeat them ever again. 

---

More random shots. Just for my own remembrance. 

It's messy. 

When i was in primary school, my favourite teacher taught us that the state of the wardrobe would tell us a lot about his/her personality. i have since strived to keep a tidy wardrobe. 

Random footwears. Don't ask me why i put them this way. I don't know.

The rubbish bins that are totally unpredictable in behaviour. 

No more collecting 20 cents coins to pay for dryer's usage. 

The piece of cloth i use to shield my computer from direct sunlight. 

No more walking down 2 stories to fill up my jug. 

No more annoying ants that would even go for water in my jug. 

Mornings #2

The harbour viewed from my room, in the evening though

For once the weather was cool. I put the alarm to sleep and clambered out of the bed. Nesa was still snoring away. I would wake him up when i come back from shower later. 

I stared ahead blankly, letting my eyes getting used to the dim ambient light. I strolled down the aisle and opened the door, and greeted the lush greenery ahead of me. 

The morning breeze caressed me as i walked down the corridor. 

I hadn't seen the early morning sky for a very long time, and found the gentle hues of the sky incredibly pleasing. Stretching myself, i took a deep breath in, savouring the fresh scent of the woods. I would really miss KE* when i move out. The chatters of the insects, the aroma of morning dews wafting in, the endearing greenery, the abstract painted across the blue canvass overhanging the harbour...

*KE is my resident hall. King Edward VII Hall

That was the beauty of KE. 

I threw the door to the bathroom open, then i was jarred back to the cold hard reality.

What's a fridge doing in a bathroom? Someone is getting really creative at finding a dumpsite

It was just so out of place. 

But the ultimate has to be the single sock that was left sitting on the basin for half a year soaking all the grime and dirt and dirty bathroom jokes and of course not forgetting the cleaners' BO, it's really bad i assure you, solemnly watching us brush our teeth every morning and wash our hands every now and then. 

The cleaners somehow decided that the sock was perfectly appropriate on the basin all this while, and diligently cleaned areas everywhere around it. 

Somebody decided otherwise today though.

Yeah this is the lonely sock that accompanied everyone on E7 and E8 for the past half a year. Goodbye

Anyway i had a really tiring but fruitful day today. Non-stop action from 7am till 5.45pm. Thereafter, Rags, Nesa and I chomped down a family feast of KFC at Anchorpoint for dinner. Unfortunately Lydia was on call.  

Something Peculiar about Ladies

Nice painting, complete with dimples of Venus

It's laundry day again. Among the pile of dirty laundry was my bedsheets. 

'Don't use the front-loading machines ya,' commanded my almighty (earthbound tho). 'I don't like them,' she added. 

Yeah that's my almighty

But i wanted to use the front-loading ones, otherwise i won't be able to wash my bedsheets in 60 Celsius hot water. It's to get rid of the dust mites, for my asthma's sake. 

'But i need the hot water,' I argued. 

'You don't need the hot water la, the sun is so hot it will kill whatever bugs there are,' she concluded the argument.  

They thrive on our dead skin flakes on bedsheets. Not so pleasant bedmates, though numerous

Another instance.

Spotted me carrying both bottles of detergent and softener, she said, ' Hey darling, put softener later la. Do it separately.'

'But there is a compartment for me to pour in the softener now...' 

Before i could finish explaining that the machine will only access the softener later, she cut me short, 'I don't like to use that compartment.' Her expression said that no further argument would make any difference. 

Feeling defeated, i obeyed my master's command, carrying the bottle of TOP detergent, walking dejectedly to the laundrette. 

I hope i am not looking into my future. I mean balding.... 

In both instances, i was doing the right thing, no?

Washing bedsheets in 60 degree celsius water is the recommended way to get rid of dust mites. Do it once every week. Every medical students in their clinical years would parrot that to you if you have a kid with asthma.  

As for the softener, the compartment is there for a reason, right? 

These two are not isolated instances of good reasons getting shot down by no reasons. Feelings override reasons. 

It really is a calamity that befalls mankind...

This trait appears especially prevalent in females, whether they have already ascended to bean  Earthbound Almighty (to someone) or not. My dad's Earthbound Almighty is not totally innocent in that respect as well. 

By Earthbound Almighty, i did not mean him ok?

Now tell me, does my observation have any merit? Or is it just a skewed interpretation from inadequate sampling? That there are just as many men who shoot down reasons with no reasons? 

Mornings

The View from My Room

The alarm heralds a new day. I heard it used to be roosters but i probably like them better for curry than waking me up. 

It's still early. Let's sleep for another 10 minutes. 

The stupid alarm rings again, all too soon. 

Still in the comfort of the bed, my hand reaches out for the water bottle. Pushing myself up i sat with my back against the wall, i gulps down 2 mouthful. Nesa, my roommate, is still deep in slumber. I will wake him up after i have showered. I always take longer to get ready. 

The early morning breeze buffets against my face, gently bringing me further from my sleepiness. Level 8 is blessed with generous winds, and i am really glad to have stayed here for 4 years. 

Untangling my slippers from Nesa's, i slip it on and walk down the corridor, and down the stairs. The bathrooms are empty. They always are, at this hour of the day, and i find that welcoming. 

The sound of water gushing out of the shower, and the cool water that bats on my head finally brings me completely out of my sleep. 

I wake up Nesa. He always respond promptly by sitting up over the edge of bed, but whether he truly wakes up or not is another matter. I will not be surprised to find him snoring on the bed one second later. Haha. 

I know Rags won't have woken up yet. 

'Eh Rags wake up d?', i ask anyway. 

Nesa drags his feet to Rag's room next door. Opening the door that probably isn't needed at all, as it is almost always left unlocked, we see a baby sleeping like a, as we medical students instinctively say it, prawn. 

'Hey rags wake up!' Nesa breaks the silence in the room that envelops Rags. 

Like a guard who falls asleep on duty, Rags jumps. The blanket is all over the place except on himself, while the standing fan rotates lazily at the head of the bed. He stares at us with reddened eyes that are as widely open as humanly possible, yet conveys unmistakable sleepiness. He still manages to look puzzled, after we have woken him up the exact same manner for countless times since he moved up to E8. 

It takes him almost 5 seconds before he comes to his senses and loses that puzzled appearance. But i will not be surprised to see him sleeping like a baby prawn (cooked) in a second too. That reminds me i have yet to video that amazing wake up routine.

I can never understand how i take so long to get ready. While i get dressed up, and pack up my bag, Nesa and Rags have already finished washing up, maybe poo-ed as well, dressed up and all ready to go. 

Descending the stairs to E4 on our way to breakfast, i realise we forgot about Lydia. Walking back up to E5, the three of us speculate whether she will be ready to go. 

Through the glass pane on top of the door, the room appears dark. That can only mean the blinds are still down, and she's probably further down in some dream. I tapped on the door, and Nesa started, 'Lydia, Lydiiiaaaa, Lyyyddiiiiaaa...' like my old ringtone that gets louder progressively. My ringtone had a nice melody to it though. 

After probably 15 seconds, i hear a rustling noise, telling me she's climbing out of the bed. A few dull thuds of footsteps later, the door lock crackles (extremely loud and low pitched, unlike bronchiectasis) and turns. The door opens slightly and she peers at us with a bedhead that any hairstylist will be proud of. Her sleepiness permeates the very air that we are breathing, and i want very badly to yawn in spite of myself. 

Bedhead

'You guys go down first la, i will join you all there,' she mutters, in an infectious sleepy voice that makes me wonder if i am doing the right thing being awake now. Sleep deprived, we all are. 

Walking down more stairs and we crack a few jokes. The usual bad and not too tasteful jokes. But that's us la. 

Queuing for breakfast, i tap my matric card at the card sensor. Contented that they are still the same old familiar array of food, i pointed to the fried rice. Carrying my plate on one hand, i collect 3 sets of cutleries, raising them up to show the 2 tall black guys i have taken for them. 

Putting down my plate on the table, i walk back to get myself a cup of soy milk. 

Nesa forgets and gets himself another pair of utensils again. Haha. 

As usual, Nesa finishes before me, while Rags lags behind. I have never had anyone eaten faster than me before coming to university. Now i have my match as my roommate. 

With no more fried rice to chew on, the three of us stare out at the view in front of us. Nothing great actually, just a huge block of beige flat that blocks what used to be a view of the seaports. 

Lydia always amazes me at how fast she gets ready. Just as we wonders if sleep has reclaimed her, she hurried into the dining hall in small shuffling steps, with a face that is so focused i surmise it must be for something other than the bread that she's heading for. No one can be so bent on getting food, can they? 

We exit the dining hall through the new door next to the counter. It's one of the few additions in Hall that actually improves quality of life. No more long detour. 

Walking up the slope leading to the carpark, Rags passes Nesa the padlock key. The carpark was recently padlocked to prevent outsiders hogging up parking space of privileged Keviians (KE VII is the Hall's name, for King Edward VII) who drive. The carpark is underutilised, most of the time though, unfortunately.

I volunteer to stay with Nesa next to the metal bar, while Rags drives down the car. It serves no real purpose to not get into the car first, and Nesa needs no company for the brief one minute waiting for the car to come down, but i do it anyway. The camaraderie of roommates i suppose. 

The car creaks to a stop. Nesa lowers the metal bar and inserts the padlock, but it does not click. He tries a few times, and resigns to asking me to do it. Somehow the stupid lock likes me better, and clicks to engage after only one try. 

We climb into the car, and immediately wind down the windows. 

'Naga hasn't arrived,' Rags noted. 

We sat in the car and stare ahead of us again. 

Rags' sms alert chimes, and with the swiftness of an accomplice of bank robber waiting on the sidewalk, he ignites the engine and kicks on the gas. The car leaps to the front and make a sharp turn into Kent Ridge Road. 

Enjoying the gusts of air that comes along with open windows of a moving car, i look at the people walking along the pedestrian's path. Where are they going to? That girl seems a little too overdressed (or too 'under'dressed if we take the plunging neckline into consideration) for a lecture. 

The car swerves into the link road to AYE (Ayer Rajah Expressway), and stops at the bus stop. Naga looks up from her book, gets up and hurries to get in the car. I wonder if she listens to music streaming in from the earphone more or study more today. 

Lydia gets out of the car and Naga jumps in, wedged between me and Lydia at the backseat. Everyone greet Naga at once. I guess it's her saintly aura that compel us to always greet her immediately. 

Rags kicks on the gas again, and the car lurches forward. Looking to the back, i see the bus driver eases the bus to a stop without too much of a displease on his face. We did not get in the way. Good. 

I wind up the window as it is no longer gentle breeze that comes in, it's howling strong guts of wind that deforms my yet-to-be-dried gelled hair, and the noise is deafening. 

The car gets into the tunnel after endless rows of beautiful shady trees. I look around, Rags and I are the only 2 still not sleeping. I decide to dump him and sleep too. Poor Rags. 

This part of the journey to Changi General Hospital is always a blur. I will wake up somewhere in PIE just before we arrive for another typical day at hospital.

-----

Today is not a typical day. 

I did not wake up Nesa, or Rags, or Lydia. I am the only one going down to NUH today. Today is the first day of O&G posting, unfortunately still as a student. 

It feels weird to go alone. After spending almost 24 hours everyday with these people for the past one year. 

I walked out of Shepherd's path, and down the Green Staircase alone. I arrived at the office, seeing not the familiar faces but faces that belong to poor souls who have the misfortune to fail Surgery Finals. It reminded me that it really wasn't only competency that was the key of the exam. Luck was at play also. 

It's not that difficult. I will just have to get used to a life without these close friends studying together, or rather, doing everything together.

It's 11.32am now. It does not feel too bad. 

Don't worry, i will be fine. I am tough. You dare say no?