Just for Laughs #8

* The internet connection was acting up for the past few days, can't seem to log into blogger.com at all. 

Fractured Penis

Stumbled upon this 2 days back on this blog which happened to have stumbled upon this on another blog. 

What do you think happened? 

(Don't go groping for that bone ya... )

HK TVB Interviewing Penang Chief Minister Lim Guan Eng

Just to share. Unfortunately all 3 clips are all in Cantonese and Mandarin, without English sub. 

香港无线电视节目- [檳城在望] 

Clean/Neat Freak That I Am

I have been memorizing the location of visible specks of dirt on the floor at home for some time. Not by choice though, the dirts just leave imprints in my mind naturally. 

Everyday i have been visually confirming their existence everytime i move around the house. They are essentially invisible, however my cursed eyes pick them up readily, and they do irritate me. 

But i was training myself to get used to them. I have to. 

Now that i am staying with my friends in an apartment, we have to calibrate our expectations. I can't go about cleaning the house everyday, or demand them to do that all the time. 

Come to think about it, it must really be a pain to stay with a freak like me.

I have never thought of myself being any different from everyone else all my life, till i came to university and lived in a dorm, then i started getting 'Keep Clean' door tag and getting called OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder, think the woman who frantically and repeatedly wiping an already clean table in some movie. For some reason people here think of me that way)

Anyway after staring at the specks of dust and trying to get used to living with them harmoniously for some time, i gave up. 

I swept the whole house again today. Really messed up i am. 

But there' still hope. 

This still appeals to me. Hehe. 

Mercedes Saves You More Money Than Proton Would!

* Recently i have been tormenting my clinical groupmates with Malaysian politics over lunch. It just never fails to make them erupt in frenzied laughter. The antics are always darn funny. Here's the latest one.

Even the orang utans are put to shame by their antics

The latest talk in town was Terengganu State Government's purchase of a fleet of Mercedes Benz for the State Executive Councillors. 

(source: The Star)

Well, i really don't care if they buy Mercedes or beamers. They can even buy Bentleys, as long as they do their job (properly) and deliver. Any self-respecting corporations would provide progressively better rides for their executives up the hierarchy. Good results should be remunerated with just rewards. Otherwise there would be no incentives to work their ass off hard, right? 

But these buffoons just have to mess it up. 

So, getting a Mercedes is more economical, in the long run, than our good old Proton Perdana V6. Really?

Hmm, i get what he meant. You see, if you are chauffeured in a Mercedes, you don't have to do long-distance journeys anymore. Everybody will come driving to them instead! 

But wait, they are getting new rides, not new breast implants right? New rides won't do that magic bit... 

Anyway, last i checked (heh), the cost of maintenance goes up as the car gets more expensive, not the other way round. Well well. 

Oh wait! He really has a point there. Those Mercedes do have more durable gearboxes. 

But firstly i can't understand why the gearboxes needed to be replaced twice. Probably they had some Schumacher-wannabe moonlighting as chauffeur, racing down the expressway at breakneck speed and executing drifts ala Too Fast Too Furious style on a daily basis. 

Sup Gearbox. The only gearbox that needs regular replacement. 

But wait, a Perdana (RM120000k?) + repairs costing RM50000 = RM170000 is still half the price of what they had paid for a Mercedes E Class. 

And who the hell repairs a car for RM50000? Unless you repair your wallet at the same time too. You know, claimable expenses. You know, Ah Kong's account. You know, Malaysian politicians. 

Oooh.... Mercedes save you fuel costs... That's like saying showering using a fire hydrant saves you water bill. Come on...

Yes you can fetch a high price, but how much is the loss? Selling a second hand Mercedes at RM150k, you still lose RM195k. If you give away that pathetic Perdana V6 for free, your loss is only RM120k. 

The only far-sightedness i could detect is that of a medical issue. 

Yeah right, I am sure. I hope the angles that linger in his mind aren't all curves. 

More likely this, right?

As if it's not tax-payers' money if it didn't come from oil royalties. 

Is it just me, or you too feel that all those BN politicians are treating us like idiots? 

The more i think about it the more incensed i become...

Do You Offer Your Seat?

Please offer your seat to old folks who would not tolerate a bumpy ride as well as you. 

I was on this shuttle bus to the MRT station when i saw that. 

3 boys in their late adolescence pretending not to see an old lady who had to endure the entire bus journey, who was standing right next to them, clutching desperately at a handle that was too high for her reach. 

They had the audacity to slump on their lazy bums while letting a frail old grandma suffer the bumpy ride on her knees that were wrecked by osteoarthritis...

Shame on you, kids. 

I am guilty as well. I should have lashed out at these imbeciles. Such disrespect. Such thoughtlessness!

*I offered my seat to another lady. Unfortunately my ass is not big enough to occupy 2 seats. Otherwise i would graciously offer the poor lady as well. 

What it would take... 

Penang Hokkien in Peril?

Links: Here and here

There have been calls by a certain people for the revival of speaking Penang Hokkien for the past few days. 

Everytime i read these, i end up scratching my head, imagining really hard whether i live in the same Penang they were talking about. 

There was no shortage of people speaking hokkien wherever i go, last i went home. 

You know the interest in Hokkien hasn't waned a single bit when kids everywhere in Penang belt out obscenities with incredible ease. 

KNNCCB! 

Absolutely no shortage of people scolding KNNCCB! 

The pin-point accuracy of their pronunciation, coupled with appropriate inflection, delivers the message convincingly, the feat only a native speaker of Penang Hokkien would be able to pull off satisfactorily. 

And they were calling for parents to teach their kids Hokkien, saying that it's even more important now that Penang was already listed a Unesco World Heritage Site. 

(Lifted from The Star article mentioned above)

What rubbish is this? 

Where would you be able to find tourists who speak Hokkien, or who would attempt to speak Hokkien? Fujian Province in China and Taiwan, perhaps. But beyond these places? Seriously. 

If you want your kids to speak hokkien, look no further than Chinese medium school, or the more unruly national high schools. Send them there, and they shall speak perfect Hokkien (courses on obscenities included, FOC).

Even my alma mater, the high and mighty Chung Ling High School.

It's the jewel of Chinese-medium education in Penang, and the place every boy from Chinese-medium primary school aspires to study in. Only the top scorers from Chinese-medium primary schools will be enrolled. To the pinnacle of Chinese-medium high school education... 

(But the products they mould us into are not always good, as evidenced by yours truly)

But it's really a Hokkien medium school. 

Penang in Year 1986

I miss Penang Hill

Was surprised to find out that one colleague of mine in the department i work in has some ties to the little island i call home. 

His grandfather had migrated to Penang many years ago from Tamil Nadu, and over the years he was elected a Member of the Parliament for Datuk Keramat area, and was subsequently conferred a Datukship. Really impressive. 

While he remained with his families in Tamil Nadu, he had visited Penang many times. 

He has seen the ups and downs of Penang, he claimed.  

Penang in Year 1986 was comparable to Singapore. It was as impressive, as inspiring, and full of promise in his eyes. 

He came back 10 years later, only to discover that Penang has lost its allure. 

He is going to Penang to take his postgraduate exam next month. I am waiting for his assessment.