Betrayal

Usually i try to steer my conversations away from unhappy stuffs. I don't like to carry these unhappy feelings and unload them in other people's mind. Let the trouble be mine and my own. No one likes an old bus with a trailing toxic fume that suffocates.

But i haven't felt so angry for a long time that i need to vent. And i can't pinpoint what was it that pissed me off.
I wasn't proud of myself.

I thought i had a firm control on my temper, that i can take all kinds of shit. These 4 months in A&E kinda reinforced my belief, seeing all sorts of people and getting all kinds of insult hurled at me. I had so far maintained this zen-like smile (my imagination anyway, haha) rather effortlessly.

I never got worked up by whatever scathing comment i had gotten so far, since most of them were either intoxicated or completely out of their mind. I didn't in any way identify with the labels, and i didn't suspect in the faintest likelihood that they could be right anyway. I could laugh them away and frankly, i probably did not get that many of them anyway.

I raised my voice at the patient's family today. Tsk tsk, extremely not skilful.

The patient (himself quite apologetic) had been waiting for 3 hours for a bed, but unfortunately bed situation in my hospital after the chinese new year period has been like a bad drought. The family requested for an update, and soon started raising their voice at me as i approached the reason for the delay. Despite reassurance that we were doing all we can to comfort him in the interim while waiting for his bed (and the busy inpatient ward MO), they were unhappy that the nurses were unable to secure a bed sooner. As soon as i told them that post CNY a lot more patient had showed up en masse, hence the bed crunch, they accused me of giving them an excuse.

How the hell is that an excuse? (I said, that's an explanation! Aghast!)

No you are not giving me an explanation, you are giving me an excuse!
They were relentless. They weren't listening.

I should have recognised that earlier. I should have just kept my mouth shut and act dumb. But i kept trying to drill some sense into them, to no avail.

In the end i found myself with boiling temperature blood coursing through my body, and my ears must have been red like a chimpanzee's ass.

How the confrontation ended i could not remember clearly now. I guess it was Ramizah who came to my rescue, diverting some of their firepower.

Why are people with absolute no idea of hospital's logistics so liberal at throwing their judgement about a hospital's seeming inefficiency? Does being family to a patient grant you the right to misbehave and boss around?

'Why are you raising your voice at me?' I said it in the calmest possible manner. What i got was 'i am not raising my voice at you' in an increasing high pitch and amplitude, and the whole observation ward was looking at us.

I guess what i felt was betrayal. That caused the anger.

Why do families turn their back against us healthcare worker who are trying to help the patients fighting against our common enemy, the diseases and sufferings? Aren't we supposed to be in the same team? (I was foolish to think so, guess i am not jaded yet)

I stayed back for almost 2 hours after work to sort out my patients, and all i got are these lousy people who don't appreciate what we are doing, threatening/deciding to AOR but have no pride to stick to their ill-decision to the end. Even have the cheek to ask the nurse to tell me they want to stay anyway in the end, and to cancel AOR.

We are all trying our best, why can't these people just make our hard work a little more pleasant/easier?

*The saving grace is that i can recall at will many more angelic patients who genuinely appreciate our sacrifice and makes all these self -denial (of pleasures) so palatable that i won't mind doing it till all my teeth fall

**What do you expect? Life's like that. Didn't you read the fine print when you sign on?

Who's Your Daddy #1 (The Tale of 4 Hotdogs)

Dear Child, 

I went to Ikea* this evening, to pick up some boxes. 

*Ikea is one of the few places that manages to make both men and women squirm in joy every time they step in, when your daddy is still in his twenties. No, it's not a love hotel, if you wonder. Yes you are right, people do squirm in joy there too, but Ikea achieves that mostly by just selling awesome furnitures at a cheap price (not always). 

The boxes are meant to carry my books, as daddy will have to move to a new apartment shared by Uncle Nesa, Uncle Rags and Auntie Lydia in Bukit Batok. Even though daddy hasn't graduated and can continue to stay in KEVII Hall, i prefer to move out with the uncles and auntie. Otherwise i will probably die of boredom being the oldest guy around, and you will probably never see daylight. 

Anyway, i haven't had dinner when i arrived at Alexandra, where Ikea the swedish furniture supermart was located. I originally intended to dine in a nearby hawker centre, but it was rather warm and humid so i decided i would just eat in the cold comfort of Ikea's restaurant. 

But there were too many people queuing up. There must have been 20 people lining up for Swedish meatballs, so i just walked away. 

Daddy usually won't choose to get stuck in a long queue just for food, even if it's good.

So i went downstairs to eat Ikea's hotdog* instead. 

The identical hotdog that i ate (lifted from here)

* I don't know if people at your time still eats hotdog, or still calls it so. PETA might already have made you ban hotdogs. It's not really a dog. It's just a sausage that is wrapped in a long bun, and you get to choose what sauce to put on top; a choice of mustard, ketchup and chilli. Daddy never likes chilli sauce. 

Child, one day you will realise that women in their skin alone wields a lot of power. (lifted from here)

At one dollar a hotdog it's really cheap. I ordered a hotdog and a soft drink at $1.70. Before the cashier could pay me the change, i already ordered an extra one. Yeah your daddy kinda eats a lot. 

Anyway i finished the 2 hotdogs in no time. I folded the paper wrap into neat small squares and threw them away into the bins. You must throw the litters properly too ok?

(lifted from here)

But 2 hotdogs weren't enough, so i went to buy another 2 more. 

(Sorry child your daddy really eats a lot. But i am not obese. I just have high BMI. Really, you can ask any of the aunties or uncles who know daddy in university. It's either the result of dense bones or a dense brain. You guess which.)

So, for the comfort of air conditioning (i wonder how bad global warming is at your time), and my reluctance (why waste time?) to line up in a long queue, i ate 4 hotdogs. Most people would find it slightly crazy to eat 4 hotdogs. That's usually the province of the crazy Americans (and Uncle Nesa, that crazy uncle once walloped 11 pieces of KFC at one go)

Crazy Americans posing with 5 hotdogs there. (lifted from here) Heh

Lastly, just wanted to tell you, my child, that life isn't always fair. Don't always compare with others. Just be happy with what you have got. 

Ikea Hotdog in Norway (lifted from here)

Some people just have it longer.