Sunday, June 1, 2008

Every Woman Should Carry A Condom

Spot check in Chung Ling High School, my alma mater. Lifted from this blog

'Spot check!' Screamed the leader of the horde of prefects invading the classroom. 

Everyone in the classroom shifted their bottoms nervously. A few guys turned pale, hoping fervently that the incriminating discs in their bags would somehow disappear into thin air. 

'Stay put and bags on the table!' The overweight adolescent prefect with pimply face was trying to act macho by roaring out the orders. He had a grain of rice stuck to the corner of his lip, betraying his packet of nasi lemak consumed in the Prefect Room's privacy, way before recess (which makes it illegal in high school).

Penang Free School Prefects from a bygone era when prefects were prim and proper, and honourable (from here

Sauntering down the aisle in feigned authority, completely ignorant that the back of his shirt was no longer tucked into his ultra low-waist pants, he chose himself a pretty victim. He poured the content of the bag onto the table. 

Choose your bag carefully, lest it reveal more than you desire. 

'What is this!' He held up the object in question with trembling fingers. The entire class looked in his direction and revered at the sacred object. 

The mysterious Ring of Sex Life in a thermal-sealed aluminium foil packaging

A wave of emotions washed over him. Even though he had seen condoms in porns (confiscated from the students), he had never seen one in real life. 

He would always gawk at the boxes of condoms on sale at the payment counter in supermarket, his eyes revealing an aching curiosity and sexual frustration. He would try to chat up ladies in clubs only to be ridiculed at as an adolescent. But that wasn't the case for his counterparts in the States! If only he attend American dorms colleges, he mused. 

Shaking off his disbelief at the haul, he inspected the delinquent more closely. 

Athena looked all sweet and innocent, with plaited hair running down the length of her creaseless uniform. Such decency! 

Such decency! 

He reminded himself that Japanese porn actresses were all sweet and innocent, with plaited hair running down the length of their uniforms too, and tried convincing himself that she was capable of such a heinous crime. 

Despite the thought process, his eyes lingered just a tad too long on her blouse. The uniform was unfortunately not as transparent as some religious group claimed to be. 

Sighing silently, he pulled his eyes away regretfully from her chest to her eyes, all the while considering being more lenient with her and ask her out one night day. He smirked at the thought. 

'Why do you carry this to school?' He asked gingerly, not wanting to spoil his chances. Who'd believe such an innocent-looking girl would be so, erm, well-prepared. 

Expecting an admission to an amorous rendezvous in the school, he started imagining where such illicit activities could place. 

Sex in the University. Yes this site exists!

He was still dreaming an adolescent fantasy when the answer shattered his daydream. 

'Because the Deputy Health Minister said so!'

 (lifted from the The Star)

How stupid can he be. Sighs. 

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