Blasphemy

* It's meant to be funny ok? Don't take it too seriously. Especially if you are religious. 

Was on an mrt the other day when it happened. 

I was being my usual self: totally absorbed in the wonders of my book, completely oblivious to my surrounding, cocooning in the blissful sphere of serenity gazing at lines and lines of printed text. 

You can send a whole cell of terrorists barging into the train and blow it into smithereens, and i would perish without having any single inkling of what the hell has happened. 

But not this one. 

 

The force is strong in this one... 

I saw someone gingerly taking a seat next to me from the corner of my vision. I stole a glance to my side and i swear a church bell rung in my head. 

It was an elderly nun, reading her copy of well-worn leatherbound holy book, complete with an air of serenity. 

I looked at my book, and i gulped. 

Tada!

I then pressed the pages opened very widely to make sure the covers were safely out of her sight. 

What was it that i fear? That she would exorcize me start telling me i was a sinner and i needed to believe in the Holy Trinity? That she would chastise me for reading that yellow book? 

Even though i am a non-believer, i do respect all those who have devoted their entire life to a seminary vocation, believing firmly and selflessly that they are doing good to mankind, irrespective of religions. 

*That is until they start talking nonsense. My respect for them then will take a slow but sure spiral down into some abysmal depth. 

Anyway, i was feeling rather disrespectful to be reading that book next to her. Perhaps that's how it feels to be drooling over some skimpily clad chick featured on Playboy's cover page, while seated next to her mother. While humming will.i.am's I Got It From My Mama. 

Baby where’d you get your body from?
Tell me where’d you get your body from.
Baby where’d you get your body from?
Tell me where’d you get your body from.
I got it from my mamma.
I got it from my mamma.
I got it from my mamma.
I got it got it got got it…

Wonderfully respectful isn't it? 

Anyway i resumed reading my book, while she started doing the fishing thing in the midst of a underground mrt tunnel. 

Fishing without killing. (For the clueless, it's the act of losing neck tone followed by jerking backwards while dozing off)

She must have dreamed of landing a huge catch when she dropped her holy book on the floor, scattering many pieces of notes and so on all over the floor IN FRONT OF ME. 

What followed was an extremely contortion of my body done out of supreme desperation. 

Man he looks like Koh Tsu Koon doesn't he? 

Reluctant to put my book down for fear of her reading the title, i tried balancing my bag on my thighs, and by means of internal rotating my left arm, slightly flexing my elbow, over-pronating my forearm, flexing my wrist to the max with fingers extended and somehow had the book safely tugged out of her sight to the other side, nestled between my back and the back rest of the seat. 

Then I had to bend my body forward and lowered myself  to the dangerous level of farting assholes, stretching my right hand far ahead of me to pick up those scattered notes and pictures that any further my right shoulder was sure to dislocate. 

No one offered to help. I guess they were too engrossed watching an idiot performing contortionistic performance. 

Oh did i mention that my cheek was hovering perilously close to the other CHEEKS of fellow commuters too? 

While stepping out of the train, i couldn't help but marvel at all these interesting coincidences that happen in life. The faithful probably will claim that God is trying to send me a message, and i better heed the calling lest i invite God's wrath.  

Well, i say He should spend some time writing a new Holy Book. 

This one bored that poor nun to slumber.